As I stood under the eaves and waited for the dog to relieve herself in the dark, cold rain, I realized something. I’ve been trying to hard. While there is no doubt that there are many areas of my life in which I could do more and try harder, I wasn’t thinking of that kind of perseverance. This trying-too-hard isn’t visible in the tangible, physical sense. This trying-too-hard is mental and done within the space between my ears. It is attitude, pure and simple, and it is my attitude that often makes me feel miserable.
Before I had time to really sit with this thought and write it out, I checked e-mails and found this quote at the end of a post over at Kindovermatter.com. JoAnn Rothman writes,
“Stop thinking about what you are meant to do and start thinking about what you want to do. That is the way to live your purpose. “
Image Source Page: http://seeking-utopia.blogspot.com/2010/11/happiness.html
An interlude is the space in between. Yesterday, I fell into one. It was the happiest of accidents. I lay in this mental space between all the “I wants” and “I don’t haves” and realized that just laying in the interlude was enough.
I hadn’t seen this interlude before I fell in it. I’d been thinking about all I didn’t get done during the day. I’d started to scold myself for not doing more, for not being more organized, for not fully seizing the day. Then, I suddenly realized that listing all I didn’t do hid all that I did. I decided to look at what I had accomplished. I decided it was okay to feel satisfied. It didn’t mean that there weren’t other things that I could have done. It didn’t mean that I utilized all the minutes of the day at maximum efficiency. It just meant that I could enjoy the feeling of satisfaction based on what I had accomplished.