Supernatural Debt Cancellation

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Supernatural Debt Cancellation

These were three words I had never heard together until yesterday.  They were  the promised result, a gift from the Lord.  Of course, you had to call in and request your Miracle Spring Water to open the path for the Lord.  (I’m sure the call center is instructed to “offer callers the opportunity to donate to the ministry.)  I watched this informercial in stunned silence before I started to rant.   I suddenly felt like the spokesperson for the hoodwinked, the innocent, the snookered.  This was an outrage.  An abomination served upon those least able to watch out for themselves under the guise of religion.  God was being used.

Everybody wants to be loved.

Later, I realized that my problem is that I really wished that supernatural debt cancellation were real.  I  threw a “hissy fit” because I can’t believe that supernatural debt cancellation exists.  At least not this brand.    There are days when I wish I was a lot dumber than I am.   I want it to be true and I am unhappy that I can see how nuts the whole idea is.

If God were a heavenly banker/accountant, would he look like the guy from the Monopoly game, a rotund little man with a dapper top hat?  A top hat that is also a playing piece promising me the illusion of being a big business tycoon in the hereafter, the land of supernatural debt cancellation?

Maybe, at the great reckoning at the “old by and by”, it won’t be St Peter who waits outside the gates but God disguised as Peter holding a ledger of the sum of my life.  Will I be reduced to a few insignificant entries in a ledger?  Will my ridicule of the concept of “supernatural debt cancellation” be the beginning of my end?  Will I be turned away because I didn’t want to play with a top hat or because I questioned the validity of some of the rules?

For a moment, fear rushes in.  Does my cynicism guarantee my eternal damnation?  My Monopoly God twirls the end of his mustache, plops his fancy hat on top of his head with a pop, turns and disappears into the mist.  Damn!   I don’t stand a chance.   I’ve always been lousy at accounting but I like the idea of things fitting neatly into columns.  I love the idea of there being a pay-off for keeping the rules, for writing inside the lines, for balancing at the end of the day or the end of a life.

Everybody wants to be loved.

These are my hopes.  They’ve been swallowed by the mist.  I envy the believers of supernatural debt cancellations.  They believe in something I can not.  There are worse things in the world.  Is the preacher who offers miracle spring water as sinister as I want to think?  He offers them the stuff of their dreams.  Unless his “customers” are operating under a diminished capacity aren’t the buyers of his religious snake oil getting what they want?  Aren’t we all diminished?

A testimonial from a happy “customer” indicated that the dismay at the awareness of a limited bank account was replaced with joy when she discovered a mysterious $10,600 deposit was pending.  She had no idea the source of this money nor did she seem to question it.

Everybody wants to be loved.

I’d like to think that most of us know better than to spend deposits that aren’t ours.  Banks do make such accounting errors on occasion.  I remember a wonderful weekend years ago when my bank account grew with an amazing geometric generosity.  I looked at the bank balance with dreams in my heart but knew that I couldn’t spend a dime of it.  It wasn’t mine.  As quickly as it came, it disappeared.

If I had spent this money, I would be writing this with a criminal record and jail time in my past.  Even then, I didn’t believe in supernatural debt cancellation.  I wish I could.  I wish I could believe in the sincerity of  TV evangelists and the believers in golden rosaries as answers to prayer.   I wish I could believe in the promises of advertisers, of weight loss gurus or how shiny my hair might be if only. . .

Everybody wants to be loved.

I wish that I could believe in a God that works like a wonderful coin dispenser.  Doing the right thing, saying the right thing, believing the right thing would result into the flowing of blessings and prosperity down upon my life.  Life has taught me that God rarely works this way and that when people say that He does I think they are lying.

In my life, I have seen bad things happen to the best people.  I have seen the fruits of a long and righteous life rewarded by loss and betrayal.  I have heard tales of heart ache and woe that would turn Monopoly God into rubble.  I have seen people with evil in their hearts succeed and I have also seen the opposite of all these things so many times that knowing the mind of God, the way of the world, the meaning of life is an impossible thing for me.   It is like an oasis that is spotted from a great distance or a rainbow.   Once you reach where you think it is, it is no longer there.

Everybody wants to be loved.

How I would love to judge the promise of  supernatural debt cancellation as irresponsible and evil but I know it’s not that simple.  Almost nothing is.  Maybe there is a loop hole here that I can’t quite see.  Maybe supernatural debt cancellation isn’t about money at all.  Maybe a snake oil salesmen in an ugly stripped suit has something to teach me.  It may not be the message he intends but it might be the best message of all.

My message may not be yours.  God may work like an accountant in your life.  Or you may not believe in God/gods at all. Yet, I know atheists and agnostics who put many Christians to shame with their kindness and integrity.  I can look into their eyes and see God looking back at me.

My God is not a god with a top hat or promise of an easy answer.  No divine slot machine in the sky or celestial Santa Claus.  Mine is a God of pain,of brokenness, of chaos and confusion who hints at the possibility of eternity only in the deepest part of me.    This is a God who is not known, who touches human hearts in the dead of night and never lets us remember the touching.  This is my God.  God of the unknown who does not offer answers.  This is the God of Eternal Questions.  I do not have a clue.  I can only know this God by knowing what God is not.  This God can not be defined.  This is the God I struggle to live with, to come to terms with, to believe in.  This God does not make it easy.  This is the only God that is worth my believing.

Everybody wants to be loved.

In writing this, the time slips away.  I hear no distractions.  I’m late starting dinner.  Some how this seems to contribute to another’s unhappiness.  This unhappiness creeps around the edges of our lives.  It casts long shadows.

I ask,  “Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry!” he says.

All signs point to anger.  I say nothing more.  Words are not wanted here.  This is exactly why I want something definite, something clear.    This is the furnace of my fury.  I look at it and it tells me that it isn’t what it seems to be.  Flames reach out toward me.   I feel the burn.  Does truth really exist outside myself?  In the end, isn’t truth the sum total of all our perceptions?  Aren’t we all wrong and right at the same time, in the same moment.  Isn’t separation illusion?

This is an illusion born of fire.  It hurts.  I can almost see the smoke in the air. I am left alone to clean up the ashes.  No kiss.  No goodbye.  Questions about God, religion, honesty are incinerated here.  In the end, it all comes to this, a  pile of ashes and the desire to be loved.  I sweep them together as best I can.  “It’s hard to get it right.”  Supernatural debt cancellation will have to wait.

Everybody wants to be loved.


I am the person behind the words printed here. I write because my heart will not allow me the option of NOT writing. It has taken me half a life time to discover this basic truth, but now that I have, writing is as natural as breathing. This is where my breath takes the form of words.


I am reading

The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM)
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