For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. — Carl Sagan
Crabby. It’s the one word that describes how I felt a good part of this last week. I don’t like crabby me. Crabby was getting in my way. I felt stuck. I felt that life was dragging me into some where or some thing I didn’t want, some place I didn’t want to go. And then, it rained. It started out small but soon it was raining as hard and as fast as it could. The street was a river. A car in front of our driveway spun in place thanks to the physical laws of the hydroplane. The engine revved. The car didn’t move forward. It spun in place. That was what crabby was doing for me. I was spinning in place.
In a normal week I do a lot of reading. Much of it is uplifting, self-help, positive psychology, hopeful. It’s a topic that sells. A lot of it is inspiring. Some times it is also confusing. It reminds me that where I am and where I want to be are still far away. Denial is something that I do very well. I would like to slam a mental door shut on the parts of myself that are less than ideal, less than helpful, less than optimistic and self-actualized. I just can’t deny that those parts of me are very real. They hold me back. They remind me how immature I am and how far I’ve got to go. It can be very discouraging.
And then, it rained. The storm was an amazing display. Thunder and lightening underscored sheets of rain as it washed over the earth. Part of me wanted to dance in it. Just watching it was cleansing. It took crabby away. It put things into perspective.
In life, a little rain must fall. Sometimes it’s much more than a little rain.
Without rain, we’d live in a desert, a complete wasteland. No life. Without rain we wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t grow.
What would my life be without the rain? Without all those things I struggle against? I’d been focusing on all that was lacking within me. I wanted to cling to all that I’m not while all the while the rain was telling me something. Go with the flow. You can be two opposite things at once. You can have a long ways to go and you can have already arrived. Don’t cling to either. Flow. It’s all about flow.
After the rain, this morning dropped a quote in my lap:
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. — Carl Sagan.
A man that made astronomy come alive with “billions and billions” reminds me of how to survive the vastness, the rain, the trials, the uncertainty. Love. Into each life a little rain must fall. Love is the strength that can bear this vastness, this rain.