Having downsizing forced on us isn’t all bad. I’ve started going through things in preparation for a big garage sale this spring. I need to liquidate as many assets as possible. Getting rid of clutter is liberating. Part of me is enjoying it, albeit from a distance. The enjoyment fights with occasional flashes of victimhood that are grossly unpleasant. There are a lot of memories and dreams wrapped in with the stuff of our lives. It can be hard to let go.
I would prefer the down sizing to be a conscious choice. I’ve spent the last few years fascinated by the Tiny House movement, Minimalists and the people that love them, and those people brave enough to live an alternative lifestyle disconnected from popular consumer culture and based on simple values.
While that life calls to me, I have sat in my broken recliner watching mindless TV more than I ever want to admit. Escapism calls me in many forms. It’s easy to lose oneself in someone else’s drama i.e. the love of TV. I also know the power of the cupcake or potato chip to hold the fear temporarily at bay. Chocolate -covered cinnamon bears are my new guilty pleasure. I am not proud.
I am honest and I know what areas of my life are demanding attention. I also know I need to get serious and deal with the challenges ahead without breaking no matter how tempting that option may feel at times.
Recently, a wise mentor has told me that I need to find my joy. Getting through a day was hard. Fun was so elusive it all but disappeared. I felt grumpy, angry. Tears were never far away. While I’m still in transition, I realized that despite input to the contrary, I did deserve happiness, joy. Joy is good. It doesn’t have a price tag. It’s free for the taking.
It is possible to be poor and happy. Not that being poor doesn’t increase problems exponentially but those problems don’t have the right to crowd out everything else.
Yesterday, as I drove to work, I looked at the sunrise in the east as it painted the sky a gorgeous pink behind Mt. Hood. This display was so breathtaking I can not describe it in words. It was free and the opening to my day, a simple and pure gift that for a few moments gave me a great peace and hope and even joy. Wordless, priceless, joy. No one can take that from me.