For years, I have operated under the delusion that my husband is the pack rat of this pairing. Apparently, my capacity for denial is extremely well developed. This past week, we have made 6 trips to donate “stuff”. We’ve only begun to de-clutter. I am the source of the acquisition of most of this “stuff.” I am an amazing gatherer.
All this stuff has been making me a bit crazy. The clutter tugs at my mind with confusion. What to focus on? What is important? What to keep? What to give away? These are important questions that have often been lost in the”stuff” that floats around me like a Sargasso Sea. I am the center of this stagnant spot. With admission, comes a wee bit of shame, but mostly relief. When I begin to see clearly, I will make better choices. Delusion: it’s time for you to go.
While I am an amazing gatherer and I’ve learned how to gather on a dime and make a profit on this flotsam, it’s not helping me any more. It became an insulation against the world. Building a fortress of others’ cast offs has been a simple way of protecting myself. This stuff insulated me from feelings of loss, disparity, injustice, rejection, poverty. It’s time to look this stuff in the eye and see it for what it is. It’s looking back at me and helping me see that feelings of loss, disparity, injustice. . . are not ends in themselves, they are steps along the path. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. By giving things away, I’m clearing what has blocked the light.
“Light! I’m so happy to see you.”
“I thought I’d find you by holding on. I was wrong. It’s all about letting go.”